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Tristan Taormino - Ultimate guide to Anal Sex for Women
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| silvye | Date: Friday, 2012-11-16, 17:07:50 | Message # 1 |
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| Tristan Taormino - Ultimate guide to Anal Sex for Women
 
Introduction:
Confessions of a Backdoor Betty... Eight Years Later
Yes, I admit it—I love anal sex. The first time someone put a finger in my butt, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I think I almost went crazy from the pleasure. The sensations I experienced were so intense that I felt high from the experience, and I couldn't wait to do it again. The first time I put my finger in someone else's butt, the results were just as fabulous—I felt entrusted with my partner's deepest vulnerabilities, in awe of the ecstatic pleasure I could give. Then came more fingers, tongues, vibrators, small dildos, bigger dildos, butt plugs, cocks, bigger butt plugs, even an entire small hand. Each time I could take a little more and give a little more, I felt more sexu-ally alive and powerful. As I incorporated anal eroticism into my sex life, my sex life became better and better: The sex got hotter, my partners more adventurous, my orgasms fierce and explosive. The physical sensations were undeniably some of the best I'd ever felt in my life. I confess too that beyond the deep body gratification, the naughtiness of it all really turned me on.
The opening paragraph of the introduction to the first edition of this book really says it all. It was my passion for anal sex that fueled my desire to write a book about it, and I'm pleased to say that my love for the subject, both intellectually and carnally, has only grown since the book was first published in late 1997.
When I sat down to research and write The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women in 1996 and 1997, there was very little information out there. At the time, there were books and articles on specific topics—solo sex, oral sex, vibrator sex, sex after fifty, fantasy role-playing sex, lesbian sex, phone sex, gay sex, Tantric sex, healing sex, cybersex, kinky sex—yet only one book devoted to the back door, Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin. (I must continue to acknowledge and pay homage again to Jack Morin, who was so far ahead of his time, whom I still consider to be the king of anal plea-sure, and whose work influenced me tremendously.) Other more general sex self-help manuals, of which there were plenty, dodged the topic of anal sex, devoted scant attention to it, or subtly dismissed it with misinfor-mation that could scare readers away from exploring anal pleasure. Mentions of ass-fucking and ass loving—especially positive ones—in the media barely existed, with the exception of gay male erotica and both gay and straight porn videos.
I'm thrilled to say that in less than ten years a lot has changed. There is a new generation of sex books—titles like Guide to Getting It On! by Paul Joannides, Nerve's Guide to Sex Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen by Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, and The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus by Violet Blue—that include plenty of sex-positive info about anal pleasure. The butt is front and center in the Bend Over Boyfriend video series and makes appearances in new lesbian porn by S.I.R. Video. There's even The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men!
Ass sex is not only getting its fair shake in sex books and videos, it was the sole subject of former ballerina Toni Bentley's lauded memoir The Surrender and it turns up in mainstream media like Redbook, The New York Times, The New Republic, Glamour, and Jane. I spoke about anal sex on MSNBC, HBO, and the Discovery Channel, and it got plenty of air-time on Sex and the City.
Beginning with its auspicious debut on The Howard Stern Show, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women took on a life of its own. I devel-oped several workshops based on the book that I've taught to more than a thousand people around the world. I cannot count how many times I've illustrated anal penetration with my finger nestled in the pink puckered
A-hole of a men's masturbation device called the Fleshlight, while the rest of my digits wrapped around a bright green dildo, as I explained to a roomful of people how to get a dildo in someone's ass. In private and in public, I've put fingers, butt plugs, and dildos in the asses of friends, lovers, and complete strangers (the latter for demonstration purposes, of course). I made two videos based on the book and designed two butt plugs that were named after me. I've received thousands of letters from people, and answered hundreds of different questions. All this just goes to show that when you give people permission to discuss anal sex, they will. And I know from experience that lots of people want information about anal pleasure.
At lectures, workshops, hell, at cocktail parties, people from all walks of life approach me with inquiries about anal sex. Some follow up with: "Are you sick and tired of being asked about anal sex?" The answer remains the same: absolutely not. I welcome their questions—questions their doctors avoid, questions they can't ask their closest confidant, questions no high school health teacher I know would entertain—and I'm glad they had the courage to ask them.
Recently, at a class in New York, a beautiful blonde woman in a light blue sweater raised her hand and queried, "After the initial penetration of a guy's cock in your ass, when should it start to feel good?" "Honey, it should be feeling good all along, and if it's not, then something's wrong," I said. She went on to describe a first-time experience that was painful, something I know other women can relate to. "Was there warm-up, or did he just stick it in?" I asked. The latter, as I suspected. The guy sitting next to her even copped to being the owner of the (understandably) over-zealous dick. I told them to make a pact: they will go slow, do plenty of warm-up, and, if it hurts at all, stop without any consequences—no frustration, no feeling guilty, on either side. "Once you're in," I told him, "don't go all the way. Hang back with just the head inside to allow her ass to get used to the feeling. Oh, and was there clitoral stimulation going on? Because you usually can't go wrong with some clit stimulation." They looked at each other, then back at me, smiling.
My job is never boring.
As a kid, I was taught by some pretty great, underappreciated public school teachers, and, although they weren't talking prostate glands and anal beads, they influenced the way I inform others about my favorite subject. I just put it all out there. Nothing is off limits: enemas, poop, hemorrhoids, why you shouldn't use Vaseline as lube or candles as sex toys. It's impor-tant not to shy away from the so-called embarrassing stuff and to just be honest. My goal is simple: debunk the myths, fight the taboos, explain the basics, and give people information and tools they can use. And do it in a way that's less boring lecture, more stand-up sass. I'm one of those teach-ers who wants to get my students so excited about the material that they beg for extra-credit assignments (hint: my butt toys need to be invento-ried!). I challenge them ("Every man in this room should be fucked in the ass at least once before he dies!"), and I hope I inspire them. It feels good to know that I've contributed to improving someone's erotic awareness, and ultimately her sex life. Sometimes, I want to go home with my stu-dents (no, not like that... well, not with all of them anyway), peek into their bedroom for a night, and coach their anal pleasure session from plug to plow. But usually I must send them on their way with a reassuring nod and a tube of Astroglide Gel.
When I began work on this second edition, several friends asked me, "A second edition? Do you actually have more to say on the subject?" Well, as it turns out, I do. Through teaching anal sex classes, being asked ques-tions I didn't know the answer to, having lots more anal sex (both in front of a roomful of students and in private), I have learned so much more. The publisher didn't just stick a new cover on the old book and call it "updated." Every single page has been revised; there are new chapters, new illustrations, new tips and techniques, new answers to new questions.
The title is still The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, and it is written from a woman's perspective and geared toward all women, regard-less of their sexual orientation. It's so important for women to have infor-mation and inspiration about our bodies and the pleasure they can bring us. That said, women aren't the only ones who bought the first edition, who attend my workshops, or who write to me, and I hope this edition can be equally useful for people of all genders. Although the book concentrates on the experiences of women, many of the guidelines and generalizations about anal sex apply to everyone.
Crowing up in America, it is nearly impossible to escape the taboo about anal sexuality and all the myths surrounding it. From an early age, we are taught that our assholes are private, dirty, and shouldn't be touched in a sexual way. Whether we learn about the birds and the bees from popular books or in sex education class, the ass is rarely mentioned, unless to say it's behind our genitals. When anal sex is acknowledged as an erotic preference in sex research and popular advice columns, it is portrayed as a fantasy of straight men whose female partners endure pain in order to please them. There are rarely representations of women who enjoy anal sex with either men or women. Myths like these are based on fear more than fact, and often prevent people from voicing their anal desires and acting on those desires. The first chapter is a good place to begin explor-ing these myths more closely. If we challenge the deeply ingrained notions behind them and discover how they have affected our own attitudes about the ass and its erotic potential, we can begin to replace those myths with truths. In addition, you may find the facts useful for talking about anal sex with your partner.
In the second chapter, I provide a brief anatomy lesson, covering related muscles and body parts, and encourage you to get better acquainted with your ass. In chapter 3, I discuss some ways we can take care of ourselves emotionally and psychologically, covering topics like desire, communication, and fear. In addition, I explore some of the issues that may come up during anal sex with a partner, including fantasy, power dynamics, and trust. Chapters 4 and 5 cover basic preparation tips you should know about before beginning anal exploration, including hygiene, grooming, and enemas.
Safer sex practices are the subject of chapter 6, and there is a guide to lubricants in chapter 7. Sex toys are the focus of chapter 8, including anal beads, butt plugs, anal probes, dildos, vibrating and inflatable toys, and strap-ons. Plus, there are some hints about how to assess the safety of any other tool you're thinking of using for anal sex.
Chapters 9 through 11 cover the ins and outs of anal masturbation, analingus (also called rimming), and beginning and advanced anal pene-tration, including information on positions. Chapter 12 highlights specific issues and techniques for male anal pleasure. In chapters 13, 14, and 15, we move into more edgy territory, with BDSM, long-term butt plug wear, and anal fisting. Based on my work over the years, I've compiled a trouble-shooting guide of some of the most common issues and problems people ask me about for chapter 16.
Chapter 17 is an important one for everyone; it covers general anal health, common anal ailments, as well as sexually transmitted diseases(STDs)—their symptoms and treatments. The information about various diseases is written specifically as it relates to anal sexuality.
In each chapter, you'll see sidebars called Ask the Anal Advisor: these are questions from real people and my answers. Throughout the book, I have also included brief excerpts from erotic literature and quotes from popular books and magazines about anal pleasure. I hope these words will encour-age you to enact your own anal fantasies and enjoy the full range of anal eroticism. At the end of the book, I have included a resource guide, with selected books, videos, websites, and other sources for people who want to learn more about anal pleasure.
I want this book to empower you with knowledge about your body and sexuality. I want you to have safe and pleasurable anal sex, alone or with your partners. And, while the cover touts this book as the "Ultimate Guide," I don't consider it the final word by any means. I hope it is just the beginning—the beginning of more discussion, more research, more investigation, and more exploration of the world of anal sexuality.
The moment I discovered anal eroticism and shared it with a lover was a huge turning point in my sex life. It still drives me crazy after all this time. I hope that you—beginner, fan, or expert—will use this book to help fulfill, improve, and enhance your explorations of anal pleasure.
Tristan Taorminon - New York City - November 2005
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| yasash | Date: Saturday, 2012-11-17, 00:50:57 | Message # 2 |
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| CHAPTER 1
12 Myths About Anal Sex
Myth #1: Anal sex is unnatural, wrong, and immoral.
TRUTH: Religion, medicine, science, government, education, media, and other important institutions dictate what is considered acceptable behavior (and what is considered deviant) in all areas of life, including sexuality. The anal sex taboo has been well established and reinforced by these institu-tions in order to maintain the status quo. For example, most sex education programs for students under eighteen do not include any mention of anal pleasure or anal sex. The majority of sex self-help books for adults include little or no information on the subject. When anal sex is represented in mainstream media (which is still infrequently), it is more often portrayed as negative, violent, or degrading than positive or pleasurable. Up until the 1960s, under sodomy laws, anal sex was a crime; in some states, it only applied to same-sex partners, while in others, it applied to everyone. As recently as this decade, it was still illegal for anyone to engage in anal sex in nine states in America. In the case of Lawrence v. Texas in 2003, the Supreme Court ruled that sodomy laws were unconstitutional.
My best friend, Jane, called me a few weeks ago."I beat you," she said. "You beat me? You have a job, your boyfriend went to Princeton, and you live in a major city. I'm sporadically employed in a town with, like, one offramp, and my boyfriend went to a minor Midwestern university and thinks deodorant is bourgeois. The only thing I have on you is that I'ma bigger slut." "That," she said, "is precisely how I beat you." "You had anal sex.""Bingo."My heart sank. "You must be very pleased with yourself." "Honey, you have no idea." —SARAH MILLER—
The good news is that history teaches us that sexual norms are constantly changing. There was a time when masturbation was thought to be unhealthy and sin-ful. In the 1970s, oral sex was con-sidered out of the ordinary, even a little kinky. Today, masturbation and oral sex are considered a healthy part of a person's sex life. Today's taboo is tomorrow's norm.
Most of us have grown up learning something negative about our asses, so the myths that follow will sound familiar. The legacy of anal sex taboos continue to linger and inform how people perceive anal pleasure. New sexuality research, changes in sex education, and legal victories like Lawrence v. Texas will hopefully go a long way toward shifting public opinion.
Myth #2: Only sluts, perverts, and weirdos have anal sex.
TRUTH: The notion that anal sex is kinky, abnormal, or perverse is based on the assumption that one form of sexual expression—specifically, heterosex-ual penis-vagina intercourse—is natural, normal, and conventional. All other activities, including manual stimulation, oral sex, and sex toys, are consid-ered abnormal. From the perky girl next door to the daring dominatrix in the dungeon, people of every age, gender, sexual orientation, socio-economic class, race, religion, occupation, and ability practice and enjoy anal sex.
Myth #3: The ass is exit only, it's not an erogenous zone.
TRUTH: It's true that the anus and rectum are parts of our body's efficient waste management system. But, in addition, the ass is full of sensitive,
responsive nerve endings, and the stimulation of these nerve endings can be intensely pleasurable—and orgasmic—for both men and women. When we get turned on, and our pussies get wet, our cocks and clits erect, our asses aren't left out. They too become engorged, aroused, and extra sensitive. Through anal penetration, women can experience indirect G-spot stimulation and men get direct prostate stimulation.
ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR: AM I NORMAL?
Q: I've been married over fifteen years and my husband has suggested anal sex a couple of times, and he even rubbed around my butt a few times, but as a "good girl," I never wanted to go further That changed on my husband's fortieth birthday. I offered him my butt to do as he wished and I have to admit I really really liked it (even though it was a bit sore the next morning). That was three years ago. I never thought that I would enjoy anal sex as much as I do. Now, I often think that I prefer anal sex, and most of our intercourse includes some sort of anal play Is it normal to like anal sex as much or better than vaginal sex? Am I an anal addict?
A: And what a great birthday present you gave your husband! To answer your question simply and directly, there is really no such thing as "normal." Mainstream culture and media would have us believe that heterosexual cock-in-pussy intercourse is the most common activity and therefore normal, but we all know that is bull. The truth is that we like what we like. Whether it's the smack of a riding crop on your butt, an enthusiastic toe-sucking, or anal play, if it turns you and your partner on, then go for it! For some women, anal penetration may feel as good as or better than vaginal penetration; lots of people tell me that anal play produces more intense orgasms. Plus, adding clitoral stimulation to backdoor banging or creating an angle for indirect G-spot stimulation can all help increase the pleasure of anal penetration. It sounds like you really enjoy anal sex with your husband; ignore those voices in your head which may be calling you deviant or weird, and just keep doing what you're doing.
Myth #4: Anal sex is dirty and messy.
TRUTH: In general, Americans have an obsession with hygiene and cleanli-ness, so this myth plays into our fears of being dirty. We imagine our asses to be a lot filthier than they actually are. Feces are stored in the colon and pass through the rectum and out the anus during a bowel movement. If you're a healthy person with regular bowel movements, than only a small amount of fecal matter will be present in the anal canal and rectum. As long as you practice standard hygiene, anal sex is no more messy than any other kind of sex. If you have a bowel movement and take a shower or bath before sex to clean the anal area, no other extraordinary measures are needed. Some people like to have an enema before anal sex, but that is not necessary.
Myth #5: Only gay men have anal sex.
TRUTH: People of all genders and sexual orientations have anal sex. While it's true that many gay men do have anal sex, the actual statistics reveal a much smaller percentage than is widely believed: 50-60 percent have tried it and fewer than 30 percent have it regularly. Fellatio is a much more common practice among gay men.1 The idea that all gay men and only gay men have anal sex—one that the Religious Right would like us to believe—is simply not supported. Furthermore, there is no evidence that any single group defined by sexual orientation has a great deal more anal sex than any other group. In fact, depending on which survey you cite, from 20 to 45 percent of women have anal sex.2
Myth #6: Straight men who like anal sex are really gay.
TRUTH: Men who like anal sex (whether they are on the giving or receiv-ing end) like it because it feels good. Their desire for butt-fucking has nothing to do with their sexual orientation, and this myth is fueled by homopho-bia. Heterosexual men who like anal sex are not repressing homosexual desires or tendencies. Their desire for a particular sexual activity does not rely on or "cancel out" their sexual preference in a partner. According to research, more gay men regularly practice fellatio than anal sex, and as my friend Audrey says, "How come no one ever asks: If a straight guy likes blow jobs, does that mean he's really gay?"
ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR: AM I GAY?
Q: I'm a guy, I like women, and I've never been attracted in any way to men. I want to try anal sex (with me on the receiving end) with dildos and even a strap-on. Does this mean I am gay?
A: The idea that men who like getting it up the butt are gay is absolutely a myth, one fueled by our society's homophobia and misconceptions about anal pleasure. Plenty of heterosexual men enjoy receiving anal pleasure, whether with tongues, fingers, or toys. As I've said before; anal sex can be an incredibly powerful experience, but it's not powerful enough to change your sexual orientation! I think that men who enjoy strap-on action especially have anxiety because of the implication that they are getting fucked by a cock, whether it's silicone or not. The truth is that it feels good, and when you turn around, you want a woman on the other end of that cock.
Myth #7: Anal sex hurts.
TRUTH: Anal sex should not hurt—not even a little. If it hurts, you're doing something wrong. Pain is your body's way of saying, "This is not working for me right now," and we must listen to our bodies. If you ignore your body's warnings and continue, then you can hurt yourself. The experience may make you and your anus more tense the next time you try anal pen-etration. Your body remembers everything, so don't try to fool it. You don't have to "work through the pain" to get to the pleasure. That's what you do at the gym, not during anal sex. With desire, relaxation, communication, and lots of lubrication, anal sex can be not only pain-free but arousing and orgasmic.
Myth #8: Women don't like anal sex.
TRUTH: This is a particularly insidious myth about heterosexual women. Often, when we do hear about women having anal sex, the story goes something like this: The long-term boyfriend begged and begged, and finally his girlfriend gave in to his demands. Her boyfriend had a great time, but she did it just to please him and didn't enjoy herself one bit.
"Buttfucking is seen as theultimate male sexual fantasy. We, as a culture, don't understand how much women can like taking it up the ass." — SUSAN CRAIN BAKOS—
We never hear stories about women who crave and enjoy anal play, women who initiate anal sex, or women who are more than happy to knock on their boyfriends' back door. Women all over the world write to me, come to my workshops, buy my books and videos, and they're just a small percentage of women everywhere who love anal sex.
Myth #9: Anal sex is dangerous and unhealthy.
TRUTH: Because anal and rectal tissue is so delicate, you can hurt yourself or someone else if you don't exercise all the precautions I discuss in this book. However, if you go slow, use plenty of lube, and listen to your body, anal sex is just as safe as any other kind of penetration. In fact, anal sex can make your butt better than it was before. The more you practice con-trolling and relaxing your sphincter muscles, the more you are exercising and toning them (just like any other muscle) as well as increasing blood flow to the area, all of which can improve the health of your ass.
Myth #10: If you have lots of anal sex, you'll end up in adult diapers.
TRUTH: When done properly, frequent penetration will not lead to a gaping asshole, loose sphincter muscles, or a loss of control over bowel movements. During anal penetration, you're not stretching or tearing the sphincter muscles; you are relaxing them to allow for comfortable pene-tration. With regular anal sex, you can get in touch with your sphincters and you may find that you actually have better bowel control than you did before.
Myth #11: Anal sex is the easiest way to get AIDS.
TRUTH: During anal penetration, you can develop minute tears in the delicate rectal tissue, which give any virus (including HIV) a direct route into the bloodstream. You can contract any sexually-transmitted disease,
including HIV, from unprotected anal intercourse with an infected partner. Other forms of anal pleasure without safer sex barriers, including oral-anal contact, manual penetration, or sharing sex toys, can also be risky. However, anal sex does not automatically lead to AIDS. Anal sex practiced with common sense, safer sex, or an HIV-negative partner can be as safe as other sexual practices. (Read more about safer sex in Chapter 6 and STDs and HIV in Chapter 17.)
Myth #12: Anal sex is naughty.
TRUTH: Well, this is actually a myth and a truth. Of course, anal sex doesn't make you a bad person. However, for those of you who are turned on by the idea that anal sex is taboo, deviant, and naughty, don't let me ruin your party. Lots of people actually like the fact that anal sex is naughty, and they may incorporate that into their anal play. The "naughtiness factor" is part of the turn-on.
Replacing Myths with Truths
What did you learn about anal sex during your childhood, your teens, your adulthood? We all have some "negative cultural baggage" associated with our butts. We may laugh it off, but the most damaging thing about these myths, which are pervasive in our society, is that they prevent peo-ple from considering anal pleasure or from acting on their anal desires. If you have fears and anxieties about anal pleasure, you need to voice them, to yourself and to your partner. By acknowledging and discussing the myths that affect us in a safe environment, we can begin to see the truths behind the myths. Only then can we begin to see anal sex for what it really can be—safe, fun, and pleasurable.[i]
“Iubirea nu inseamna doar trup, din moment ce are in vedere sentimentul, si nu este doar spirit, din moment ce se consuma intre doua trupuri” - Maurice Merleau-Ponty (Elogiul filozofiei si alte eseuri)
Message edited by yasash - Saturday, 2012-11-17, 00:52:52 |
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| deea | Date: Saturday, 2012-12-15, 01:06:08 | Message # 3 |
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| CHAPTER 2
Our Asses, Ourselves
Anal Anatomy
Although anatomy is part of science and medicine, the study of anatomy is less objective than one might think. There are a variety of differing interpre-tations and opinions about the internal structure of our bodies—especially the nuances and complexities of our sexual anatomy. This is certainly true for anorectal anatomy—which is nearly identical in men and women, except that men have a prostate gland. The discussion of anatomy and the anatom-ical illustrations in this book are based on my interpretations of several sources, including medical textbooks, sex manuals, and conversations with sex educators.1
The Anus
The anus is the external opening of the anal canal. It can be one of our most sensual erogenous zones, but it is one too often feared, forgotten, and left unexplored. It is comprised of folds of soft tissue that give it a wrinkled or puckered appearance. The area around the opening is full of hair follicles; the hair may be fine and light, coarse and dark, or somewhere in between. Everyone has hair surrounding the anus. Rich in blood vessels and nerve endings, the tissue of the anus is incredibly sensitive and responsive to touch and stimulation. Contrary to cultural mythology, with regular bathing and good personal hygiene, the anus is generally clean.
The Anal Sphincters and PC Muscles
Two muscles—the anal sphincters—surround the anal opening (see illus-trations 1 and 2). The external sphincter is closest to the opening. With patience and practice, you can voluntarily control the external sphincter, making it tense or relax. Imagine that you are holding something in your ass or expelling something. As you suck in and tense up or push down and release, you are exercising your external sphincter muscles. The internal sphincter is controlled by the autonomic nervous system, which controls involuntary bodily functions like your breathing rate. This muscle ordinar-ily reacts reflexively; for example, when you are ready to have a bowel movement, the internal sphincter relaxes, allowing feces to move from the rectum to the anal canal and out the anus. Because the external and the internal sphincters overlap, they often work together. Think of the sphincter muscles as the gatekeepers to your ass. If they are relaxed, ready, aroused, and content, anal penetration will be comfortable and feel good.
If they are tense, tight, or not warmed up, anal penetration will be uncomfortable, painful, or downright impossible.
Other surrounding muscles also contribute to sensations in the anal area. The perineal muscles support the area between the anus and the genitals. In this muscle group are the pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles), which support the pelvis from the pubic bone to the tailbone. For both men and women, these muscles contract during sexual arousal and climax; specifically, they usually contract randomly when you are aroused and rhythmically during orgasm.
The more attention you pay to your sphincter muscles, the easier it will be to begin to relax them. Because the two muscles work in tandem, you can encourage the internal sphincter to relax by relaxing the external sphincter. Many people have found that by exercising and strengthening their PC muscles they can have more control of their sphincter muscles. PC muscle exercises will help you get in tune with the feelings in your pelvic area, increasing your sensitivity and responsiveness. The exercises will also tone the pelvic muscles, making them more flexible and more receptive to pleasurable sensations; plus, when you exercise the PC mus-cles, other muscles in the area are also exercised and strengthened. (For exercise examples, see Exercising Your PC Muscles below.)
Women and men who regularly exercise their PC and pelvic muscles report some very positive benefits: heightened pelvic sensations and greater anal sensitivity; increased pleasure during clitoral stimulation, and during vaginal and anal penetration; more control over orgasms; and better, more intense orgasms. As with any exercise regimen, this should be performed
daily for best results. If your muscles seem tired at first, don't worry—that's normal. The harder the exercises are for you, the less toned your PC muscles are, and the more you need a workout. Use your common sense, and don't overdo it to begin with. If you experience any pain while doing them, see a doctor.
Exercising Your PC Muscles
Some of the following exercises are called Kegel exercises, named for the physician who first popularized the the-ory of exercising PC muscles; others are those recommended by health care professionals.2 You can do the exercises lying down, sitting, or standing. You can also do them during masturbation or foreplay; you'll get a work out in addition to increasing blood flow to the area and upping your arousal.
FINDING THEM: In order to locate your PC muscles, pretend that you are trying to stop peeing (or while you are peeing, you can actually stop the flow of urine). The muscles you contract to stop the flow are your PC mus-cles. If you put your finger on your perineum—the area between your vagina and your anus—while you do this exercise, you can feel the contractions.
NICE AND EASY: Take a deep breath and while you inhale, contract the muscles and hold the contraction for a few seconds. Then exhale and relax the muscles. This combination of inhale/contract and exhale/relax is what your body does naturally. You can do about a hundred repetitions per day.
QUICK AND CLEAN: Take a deep breath and this time while you inhale, tighten and release the muscles repeatedly (about ten times), then exhale and relax. Try to do these contractions as quickly as you can. Twenty to fifty sets a day is recommended.
SUCK IT IN: For this exercise, inhale and pretend you are sucking water inside your vagina and anus. Then exhale and bear down, pushing out that imaginary water. You will exercise your pelvic muscles and your stomach muscles. For best results, do ten to thirty each day.
SHAKE IT GIRL: Renowned anal health expert Jack Morin recommends moving your body while you do your pelvic exercises: "I suggest combin-ing the Kegel exercises with lots of free movement in a variety of settings. The positive effects of this movement will be limited, however, if you hold your pelvis rigid while moving the rest of your body. In fact, habitual, chronic, pelvic 'holding on' is one major reason why so many people need Kegel exercises. Holding the pelvis requires muscular tension which restricts movement. Restricted movement allows muscles to deteriorate."3 Try combining the exercises with walking, running, dancing, or simulating a hula-hoop motion.
Unconscious internal sphincter, conscious external sphincter, only centimeters apart Where else is one's unconscious and conscious mind so intimately connected, so readily regulated, so easily probed? It is a psychological playground of the most intriguing potential.
—TONI BENTLEY
The Anal Canal and the Rectum
Just inside the anus is the anal canal. The anal canal is about one to two inches long and leads into the rectum. The same soft tissue that makes up the anus comprises the anal canal, so it is very sensitive to touch and stim-ulation. The walls of the anal canal are comprised of tissue that, like that of the clitoris and penis, becomes engorged from increased blood flow during arousal. When the sphincter muscles are relaxed, the anal canal will expand during arousal, although it will still feel "tighter" than the rec-tum because of the sphincter muscles.
Beyond the anal canal is the rectum, which is eight to nine inches long; the rectum is made up of loose folds of soft, smooth tissue. It is wider than the anal canal and can expand more than the anal canal when you are aroused. Unlike the vagina, the rectum is not a straight tube, but has a subtle curve to it. The lower part of the rectum curves toward your navel. After a few inches, the rectum curves back toward your spine, then toward your navel again. The rectum and colon both curve laterally (from side to side) as well; whether to the right or the left will vary from person to person. These curves are part of the reason that anal penetration should be slow and gentle, especially at first. Each person's rectum and its curves are unique, and it is best to feel your way inside the rectum slowly, following its curves, rather than jamming anything straight inside. Just as the vagina is most sensitive at its open-ing, the anal opening and anal canal are more sensitive then the rectum.
The G-spot
Men's and women's anal anatomy is very similar with one important dif-ference: women have a G-spot and men have a prostate gland, both of which can be stimulated during anal penetration. Named in honor of the German gynecologist Ernest Grafenberg who was the first to write about this sensitive spot in the 1950s, the G-spot is also known as the urethral sponge.4 The G-spot is located behind the pubic bone; it surrounds a por-tion of a woman's urethra, and can be felt through the front wall of the vagina, about an inch to two inches inside the vaginal opening. It's much easier to find the G-spot when a woman is aroused, because during arousal, the sponge will swell and become more pronounced. If you slip a finger inside the vagina and curve toward the front of the body, you'll locate the G-spot, which will feel spongy, a distinctly different texture than the smooth tissue around it. For many, but not all women, stimulation of the G-spot is very pleasurable and may lead to orgasm. Most women who like G-spot stimulation prefer firm, deliberate pressure and stimulation rather than a light touch. The urethral sponge contains paraurethral glands and ducts that fill with fluid; some women are able to ejaculate this fluid. This is known as female ejaculation or vaginal ejaculation.
So what's the G-spot got to do with anal pleasure for women? During anal penetration, especially in certain positions, many women can expe-rience indirect G-spot stimulation. A thin membrane is all that separates the vaginal cavity from the rectal cavity, and if pressure is applied at the right angle during anal penetration, the G-spot can be stimulated. In fact, plenty of women can have what they describe as a "G-spot orgasm" (the same orgasm they have from direct G-spot stimulation) during anal pene-tration, and some can ejaculate from anal penetration alone. Because it develops from the same embryologic tissue as the male prostate gland and produces fluid similar to prostatic fluid, the G-spot is often called the "female prostate."
A person's butt is as unique as a fingerprint. —BERT HERRMAN—
The Prostate
The prostate is a gland that surrounds part of a man's urethra; it's behind the pubic bone, below the bladder, and above the base of the penis. A mass of muscle, glands, and connective tissue, the prostate is about the size and shape of a walnut; it produces ejaculatory fluid that combines with sperm and fluid from the seminal vesicles to create male ejaculate.
Men can experience direct prostate stimulation when they are anally penetrated. You can find the prostate two to three inches into the ass and toward the front of the body. Like the G-spot, it's easiest to find when a guy is turned on. As he becomes aroused, the prostate gland fills with fluid, swells, and becomes more prominent. Prostate stimulation can be a big source of pleasure for men; it can enhance genital stimulation as well as lead to orgasm. Many men can have an orgasm without ejaculation or ejaculate only prostatic fluid as a result of prostate stimulation. For more information on prostate stimulation, see chapter 12.
ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR: Changing Color
Q: Is there any way of making my anus pinker or lighter in color? Mine is dark and I hate it. Any suggestions?
A: Several people have written to me asking me about skin bleaching in the anal area. First, let me assure you that the way your ass looks now is perfectly normal; in most people, the puckered flesh of the anus is naturally a few shades darker—or a slightly different color—than the rest of their skin. For some people, the contrast is more extreme than others.
Skin bleaching products are used to suppress pigmentation in order to lighten the skin; the most common products contain hydroquinone, kojic acid, or mandelic acid. There are two companies I know of that sell a product called anal bleaching cream, which they claim lightens the skin around the anus. Pink Cheeks Salon in Southern California produces and sells its own cream which contains 4 percent hydroquinone; ShopinPrivate.com sells a cream normally marketed for lightening freckles, age spots, and skin discoloration that contains 2 percent hydroquinone. Neither is approved by the FDA specifically for the bleaching of the anal area, although products with similar ingredients are approved for skin lightening. Consult a dermatologist or other physician before using any product on your ass.
As for making it more pink, well that's a little trickier. The pinkest holes I've ever seen are those that have been stroked, licked, and/or fucked until they couldn't help but blush with contentment (lots of blood rushing to the area helps, too). I support people modifying their bodies in whatever ways they wish in order to feel better about themselves, and so I offer you the informa-tion you requested; however, I would also like you to consider why you "hate" the way your ass looks, and what might be at the root of that particular body issue for you. Coming to terms with your negative feelings about your butt and learning to accept and love your body as it is will be a lot less painful and expensive and, in the end, seems like the "rosier" option.
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